Why i disappeared

At twenty I loved to fade. I was a guy who went on a date with different girls, kissed them goodbye, and then, on the advice of my friends, wrote them an hour later that I had a great evening. I immediately answered calls and messages.
But then, without warning, completely disappeared from their lives.

That's what I had to tell them that they have realized the reason for my action:

Dear girl disappointed me,

This is what I was silent about, not being brave enough to tell you this in a message.

I have not lost the phone or your number. I had no accident, I was not deadly busy at work and I had no personal problems.

I just made a conscious decision not to write or call you.

I convinced myself that openness and honesty can harm your feelings, although I knew that it was a lie. I knew that what I was doing was unfair, but fear was stronger than guilt.

I was not going to hurt you, but did not see any other way out of the situation.

There was a time when things are really going well, even great. There was a connection between us, I loved you.Smiles, jokes, intimate moments - they were all real. But then something happened that made me realize that we are not completely compatible.

I wish I could say that it is not your fault that you would not change anything. The problem is not with you. The problem is that we wanted different things. In my opinion, we looked at the world differently, spoke different languages, and lived on different waves.

And when I realized that I could not make you happy anymore, I disappeared.

I know you think that I'm an asshole who deceived you and who doesn't care about your feelings. Honestly, I was just afraid. My emotions were so confused that I could not express them in words.

I was worried that if I tried to tell you how I felt, I would accidentally say something that would hurt or offend you. If I were ready to endure this awkward conversation, I would save you months of frustration.

Instead, I decided to abyss.

I locked my feelings to the castle and pretended that they didn’t matter. And it's for the best.

I know it's too late, but I beg your pardon.

Sorry for shaking your emotional well-being, was selfish and shamefully escaped.I am sorry that I brought you so much pain and gave you a reason to doubt yourself.

You deserve more. At least a sane explanation to the question: WHY?

You deserve someone who is not afraid of their own emotions, who can be vulnerable and open.

Moreover, you deserve happiness and one who will do everything possible to help you find it.

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